I just want to rescue dogs and smother them with love and affection and find them homes. I want a big house with enormous acres of land and I want to build a rehab and training facility for abused animals and I want them to heal, and breathe, and live, and love, and run around endlessly. I want them to eat great food, I want to cuddle them and let them know they are safe. Pigs, dogs, cats, chickens, horses, cows, whatever! Oh, the dream.
There’s so much i want to say.
There’s so much I feel.
I can’t freeze any of it, the moments, time, the happiness.
I can’t freeze it, I can’t stand back and watch and smile, I can’t keep it just still and patient and warm.
Its happening, its happened, and then its gone.
Just like that, the moment is gone and it’ll be gone forever, and I can’t remake it and I can’t hold onto it.
And I’m scared and I’m nervous and I’m anxious and I love you.
I love you all to pieces that I can’t grab on, I can’t hold on, and I’m thrashing and I’m yelling , “wait, wait, just one more moment , just one more touch, just one more love, just one more everything.”
Im looking towards tomorrow because I have no choice, but I’m hanging on to today.
I don’t want to let go, don’t you see? Can you all see?
I want you all with me, stay with me, with nothing but happiness and purity and love.
But I can’t, and we have to keep going, but its always going so far and so fast.
It can’t slow down.
I’m scared, I don’t want to be scared.
i hate how selfish I am, especially when it comes to the ones I love the most. I didn’t mean to be such a bitch today, I hope you know I really mean my apology. I love you so much, to the moon and back, and I promise I’ll make up for being a sucky ass horrible human being.
I’m so sorry.
We go through waves of depression.
Up and down and up and down.
And we’re so lost sometimes that there’s no where to turn but into black holes and these black holes are so dark and gloomy, they are so gloomy and dark.
the only answers are the end.
the end, oh the end.
if it could end how peaceful it would be.