I’ve been having a very emotional rough two days.
So today, I just prayed. I let it all out, and I prayed for peace and for guidance. An hour later, this is no joke, I felt complete serenity.
I smiled, I laughed, and I thanked Him for it all. Thank you God for this peace I feel.
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Tonight I cried about dogs, about boys, about my stress, about my job, about my next move, about me feeling like a loser, about me feeling like I am nothing, about all this crap. I called up my girlfriend and she said some pretty hard-hitting stuff. My roommate came home and I cried on her leg and she spoke to me and said some really realistic stuff and then I wiped my tears and learned the following:
I have no idea where my faith in God is. I have no idea where my relationship with Him is. I have a good time living without Him but the it’s when I really bunker down and look at myself that I realize I don’t want to live a life without Him, that I really want Him here all the time with me. I don’t know who I am when I push Him down to the #10 spot on my priority list. I sin excessively when He’s not in my decision making process. The world may love who I become, but I don’t want the world to love me. At the end of my days, no one will remember me and the only thing I need will be Him and it might be too late. I don’t want Him to be secondary, I want Him to be first. But I’m too lost and jaded to find out how to bring Him to the forefront.